There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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