please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
