Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
