idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
