i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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