Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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