So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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