these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
