the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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