I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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