You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Randomize
