I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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