Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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