Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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