just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
