o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
