He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
