TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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