Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
