Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
