Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
