you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I believe in your delicious
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
