I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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