You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
