Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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