yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
