Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I am spending my child support on dildos
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
