Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
