yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
