Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
