My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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