You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
