birth control should be required to get into college
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
