she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
