she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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