apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
