So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
