a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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