Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize