I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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