I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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