My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
