i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
