I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
