GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
