Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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