I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
