I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
