super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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