you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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