so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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