If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i need some magic done to my vagina
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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