Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize