He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I touched a dick in church today
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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