I wish I could teleport
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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