Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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