If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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