I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Randomize
