i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
