I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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