Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
