So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
