go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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