i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
