he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
