I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
