We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There was a lot of him and a little penis
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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