I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we're making bets on your personal life
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
