He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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