How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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